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a conversation with marc summers from the food network’s unwrapped

August 20, 2009

The setting was ideal –a sprawling, nondescript, Middle-American suburban dwelling complete with ‘any town’ stores, ideals, and values.  The air was thick with apprehension, waiting for the D-list celebrity king himself –Marc Berkowitz, aka Marc Summers.  Cordial gestures and small talk later, the interview of the century commenced:

Presenting.....Unwrapped's Mark Summers!!

Presenting.....Unwrapped's Mark Summers!!

foodnmore:  So, um, what the hell happened to you?  I mean, you had a nice run at Double Dare, and then…

Marc Berkowitz Summers:  (Cutting me off):  Yea, Double Dare was great, and we did indeed have a nice long run.  As time passed, we experienced a perfect storm of poor ratings, my OCD kicking into high gear, and market research indicating Americans were more interested in good, clean, wholesome entertainment –something Double Dare was sorely lacking in.  As a washed up D-list celebrity work was pretty hard to come by for some time.

foodnmore:  Hum…so Double Dare lacked family values and good clean fun –metaphorically speaking, of course??  Certainly not how I remember it.

Marc Berkowitz Summers:

foodnmore:  Yea.  Well, shifting gears, how did the whole Unwrapped thing come about?

Marc Berkowitz Summers:  (Showing signs of relief):  Around 2001 market research indicated Americans were becoming more and more interested in American food and culture.  Casting the net as wide as possible, the producers created a wholesome, middle of the road concept with a behind the scenes view of America’s favorite eats.

foodnmore:  Ah, so Americans were becoming ever-more interested in processed, packaged, hokey, nutritionally lacking food ‘products’ produced by large conglomerates whose sole purpose is to appease their stockholders?  This certainly correlates with America’s uber ballooning comprehensive waste line.

Marc Berkowitz Summers:

foodnmore:  Yea.  By ‘middle of the road’ do you mean Americans and/or the show’s target audience is incapable of language surpassing 6 letters or 3 syllables?

Marc Berkowitz Summers:  Come join us on Unwrapped as we take a behind the scenes look at America’s favorite, fantastically fun, fruit flavored fructose laden flatulence inducing food!

foodnmore:  Very good Marc.  That’s called alliteration.

Marc Berkowitz Summers:  Did you know the Oreo cookie factory produces enough Quintuple Cream stuffed Oreos in a year to reach the moon and back?

foodnmore:  (Perplexed)

Marc Berkowitz Summers:  Did you know Hostess, everyone’s favorite bakery, produces enough Twinkie cream in a year to fill 45 Olympic sized swimming pools?

foodnmore:  Marc, you’re reading their press materials.

Marc Berkowitz Summers:  Doritos are America’s tortilla chip of choice, selling over 45 million bags a year!

foodnmore:  It’s become readily apparent:  not content with your post Double Dare D-list standing, you sold the little bit of soul you had to become a spokesman and whore to the worst of America…prostituting to the sheep.

Marc Berkowitz Summers:  Join us next week on Unwrapped as we take a behind the scenes look at America’s favorite food!

foodnmore:  (Throws interview papers in the air and walks away in disgust)

5 Comments leave one →
  1. mark permalink
    August 20, 2009 3:42 pm

    ha! your best work ever… oh yea, and if you need a defamation lawyer, well, you have my number

  2. Michele permalink
    August 24, 2009 9:51 am

    I agree–on the entire above comments!!

  3. Marc Summers permalink
    October 21, 2009 9:39 pm

    You are SO Sued!’

    (Once I’m done clicking refresh no fewer than 15, but no more than 23 times)

  4. Billie Gipson permalink
    March 3, 2010 3:58 pm

    3 March 2010
    Last night you had a segment on your show about food that were hard to find, I didn’t know the web sight, I am trying to find the package of Schillings
    Swiss Steak Mix. I was informed that Schillings has gone out of business. Who has taken over their company and do they have the patent on Schillings
    Thank you
    Billie Gipson

  5. Reggie McDowell permalink
    March 15, 2010 3:30 pm

    This note is for Marc Summers. We are old friends. We worked together on the front desk of the Sheraton Boston in our 20’s. I am the GM of the Marriott Burbank Hotel. 818-840-6429. If you would send this note to Marc, I would approciate it.
    Thank you

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